Looking Back in a Good Way (a definitely non-pillar of salt way)

Building upon what I most recently posted, I want to challenge everyone to obtain (wherein you have not already done so) a five generation pedigree chart. This is perhaps the easiest and most satisfying place to begin any personal genealogy. And it's this easy. List the following about yourself: date of birth, city/county/state of birth, date of marriage, city/county/state of marriage, and any of the same information about your spouse--also include a date of death if applicable.
Now, if you've done this you finished step one. Next, obtain the same information about your parents. They will then probably know most of the same information about their grandparents (that's step two and three). Now you're three generations back. If you are fortunate enough to have grandparents who are still living you can get any missing information from them, and then ask them about their parents. If they have all the information, great, but in most cases they may be missing some dates or locations. Those are the first holes you'll need to fill. I'm also fairly confident that for the fifth generation your grandparents will be able to give you at least the names of their grandparents (your fifth generation) if not further information.
So there you go, five generations in quick and easy fashion and five is one more generation than what will fit on a typical 8 1/2 x 11 inch genealogical chart (the extra one generation I hope compels you to keep going beyond the four generations--beyond the one chart). I really can't over emphasize how easy it is to get a lot of this information filled in for your first five generations. And with that, you can begin to pull in new information. One neat place to start is by getting copies of U.S. Censuses with your ancestors on them. They are really neat forms and you can get them online from Ancestry.com. For those without access to ancestry.com, for free, you can get a free trial of ancestry and during that time begin to look up these old census records and print off what you find. They list names, ages, occupation, if owning a home, and a number of other things. And I guarantee you have enough information to track down your older ancestors on these forms, and these forms and the aid of ancestry.com may be enough to help you fill in some holes or even push your records back more than five generations.Good luck with it all. I encourage everyone to know at least this much about yourself and to have the information readily available. It's a good reminder that you have a responsibility to many who came before you both to do well with your life, as to provide what blessings you can, through the temple, to them.  

Below is an example of a four generation pedigree chart.  I doubt it's printable, but it gives you an idea and can be found by clicking the following link:  pedigree chart.

A Chain of 4

Family. Everything always seems to come back to family. I think anyone who ever heard the example of 2 + 2 = 3 thought it was erroneous--a little over the top. I know I always did. I understood the hyberbole and it's analogy, but still I found it hard to really relate such an absurd conclusion to real life. No outcome is really ever that off track.

That's what I thought.

Here's what I know now. 2 + 2 = 3 is not close enough to the reality of present day human thought. Or maybe the problem is that there is more and more of physical impulse and less and less of thought. The prevalence of sex in the world has little to do with thought and a lot to do with unchecked physical desire. I could say the same for a lot of the sorry things in which we as humans participate. In any case, 2 + 2 = 0 seems to be much closer to the reality of things now than I ever thought possible, and it all comes back to the family.
Paul Simon misspoke ages ago when he chimed out "I am a rock, I am an island." Nothing could be further from truth. No man is a rock. No man is an island. Even the great virgin birth, Jesus Christ himself, had both mother and father. It might be added that he also had surrogate father, brothers, sisters, ancestors and likely other descendants that have survived him from his mother and step-father. We are all connected and it's a marvelous thing and it's marvelously overlooked.
Do you realize that you can trace your life back, and that you can do it further and further and ultimately guess what? If it were possible you'd run right into Noah and his ark. Beyond that you'd run into Adam and Eve. Beyond Adam and Eve . . . well you can imagine. What a noble heritage is the inheritance of every person walking this earth. But few care. I hope if you're reading this that you care.
I hope you're doing what you can to contribute to the line that you came from. I hope you're doing what you can to contribute to the line of people that are going to come after you. Unless you're one of those I referred to as getting 0 from 2 + 2.
The world is stripping more and more importance from families and more and more importance from children. That's an entirely separate story. I just want to gently remind everyone that 2 + 2 = 4. That nothing comes after us unless we contribute more than the works of our hands. Also, we would not be had it not been for ages and ages of contributors before us. Maybe some don't like their parents. Or grandparents, but traced back far enough everyone comes from royal stock. Everyone is a son or daughter of God. Everyone is a descendent of someone else who hoped that they had left something of value to this world. Could you be that something of value? Are you living your life in such a way to honor that family before you and to prepare for the family to come after you?
A little more pointedly, before anyone claims that they are a rock or an island, how much do you know about those who came before you? I am so compelled to family history research. I cannot really explain it, but it is something real that wells up in your heart and in your stomach and won't let you rest. It cries out that you are the result of great works with great potential ahead of you. We don't carry on last names just because it's quaint, but because a name and a heritage used to and should still mean something. Seek to find out where you came from and then begin to understand who you really are. Understand that nothing is more intrical to life than families. If not for families, the earth would be barren. A vacant paradise. We're each the next most important link in this chain, and it's important both to be a strong link, but also to come to know the chain to which we're attached.

Dishwashers.

This is a real dishwasher.

I imagine that the excuse most people use for owning an electric dishwasher is that it saves them time doing dishes. Of course the majority of America spends an inexcusable amount of time before the flashing shrine we call the television. I suppose if my sanity/reason-for-life-itself were tied up in a group of fictitious hospital operatives with names like McSteamy I'd be pretty intent on freeing up my evenings of any 'lesser' chores or activities. In my opinion I am fortunate to live with a wife who abhors the television and as a result we decided not to have one anywhere in our home. Not so much by choice but incidence a dishwasher is something we've also never had in our home. I'm not saying that dishwashing is the key to heaven, or even a key to Zion, but I would ask anyone and everyone to evaluate just how useful you're making that 'extra' time that a dishwasher saves you.
For my part I would not trade my time spent washing dishes by hand for anything. For one there is a certain satisfaction and even joy that comes from being personally involved in the cleaning of ones home. I don't like to have dishes piled high on the counter (as a matter of fact there is a mountain out there right now), but I do like to know when they're finished, and to have that bit of refreshment that comes from being physically active--even in such a small way. Beyond that, and perhaps becoming more important, I treasure the time it gives us to work together as a family on the presentation and cleanliness of our home. My son Nolan loves to do dishes with us. I can't say I always love the job he does . . . but I've broken a few dishes in my day too, so I can't complain too much. Oh, and he also drenches himself, the floor, the chair he stands on to reach the sink, and anyone in the vicinity. He's learning to work though, and to enjoy working. He's also enjoying time spent with me, his dad (or his mom, whoever got the poncho on first). We talk a little bit, laugh, joke around, and just genuinely enjoy one another's company. I'm anxious for Gerret to be big enough to help out. I'm sure that if we someday have a dishwasher I will still find excuses to spend time with my kids, or my wife. But I hope that it is time spent teaching things like the value of hard work. The key to a full, long life, after all is hard work.
So I've never used a dishwasher, and don't plan on it.

Figuring the Figures

The Lord said to do it and that’s good enough for me.
Then again there’s the fact that if I didn’t consider my finances I’d very soon find myself without any finances. I remain convinced and unmoving on the fact that much of our financial woes come about because we fail to plan/budget. Like any meandering journey, without direction you’ll sooner or later walk right into trouble. When you’ve taken time to look at the maps and plot your course, you’ll only walk in roses and good times.
Lindsay and I have managed to walk in mostly roses and good times. Though I must admit we have dropped our map at times and walked right into briars and thorny bushes.
Our first attempts at financial organization were non-existent. They were those precious few months of our courtship when all caution went to the wind. All money went to the wind too. I think anyone is excused in a little carelessness at this time of their life.
As our wedding day approached, and along with it the reality of what we were doing, we began to understand that if we did not begin to settle down a little and gain control of our finances we would permanently lose control of them. So we gave it our first pitiful attempt—a ledger book. We weren’t subtracting it out of our checking account as we went or anything responsible like that. Oh no. We were just writing down the purchases as we made them and then adding it all up at the end of the month. I’m not sure what good that did us, but it provided at least one moment every month where we exclaimed, “Holy cow we spent that much!” So we were trying, but only as much as a begrudging child tries to enjoy peas at a parent's command.
After a crazy first year of marriage we retreated to the solitude of upstate New York for a summer. It was a little like our summer of courtship all over again. We spent money and traveled all over the place, leaving traces of our life savings in our wake. The end of the summer was another “Holy cow!” moment. It was time for some repenting.
Our next effort was better, with a little too much fun peppered in and too little function in the mix. We took a large sheet of butcher paper and posted it on our wall. In a table sort of style we wrote months across the top and budget categories down the left side. Our categories included such things as gas, food, utilities, fun, etc. We had a specific amount we had allotted for each category listed as well. Then, as we spent our money we would track across the top to the appropriate month, down to the appropriate category, and then write in amount, date, and place of the expenditure. In this way we were much more organized. It was a cool little budget planner we had hidden behind a door, but again we did not keep real good track of the totals until the end of the month. So the lesson we learned was that no matter how cool your budget is, and no matter how detailed you get in your recordings, it’s not worth much more than a cool detailed thing until you start keeping track throughout the month.
I think we’re finally just about as good as we can be. We have a specific place in the home that we put all of our receipts. Once a week we sit down and add them all up in their respective categories. We now keep track in a notebook that is much easier to handle and much more preservable (is that a real word?). So as we go we know just how much we’ve spent and just how much we have left. This helps us ration our money a little better. We don’t overspend at the beginning and we are a little wiser at the end. This has helped us ensure that we always meet our needs, but always have money left over for fun and to build up a supply in the bank.

As a final note, we’re happy to announce that while at the beginning of our marriage we had almost 0 money left to spend on our own desires (you may call this an allowance) we are up to $100 a piece at times, with extra money for dates. Yes, we are living large.

Special For Valentines

For Today: 2 quotes by 2 insightful men which, if lived by, will bring more joy into your marriages and stability into your families. And that is all. Happy Valentine's Day!

The trick is to enjoy the journey traveling hand in hand, in sunshine and storm, as companions who love one another.  Gordon B. Hinckley

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Getting More From Your Money: Part 4

Today we want to share a little bit of knowledge about Certificates of Deposit or what we commonly refer to as CDs. I think they get a lot of bad press because they are what are called ‘term’ deposits. What ‘term’ means is that you are handing over your money for an agreed upon period of time. Many people shy away from this kind of investment because of the fear that “I might need that money before the term is up and then what?! I’ll lose money”. Liquidity (or easy access) tends to be one of the most important factors to people when it comes to their money. Liquidity is second only to security in importance to most people.


Now let’s debunk a lot of the fear behind investing in Certificates of Deposit, so you can start using them to earn more money.

1. I have to hand over a lot of my money if I want to open a CD. This is quite simply untrue (well, from a perspective). Most financial institutions will allow you to open a CD for $1000 and some will allow them for even less. Some institutions will only require you open a CD of $500. Of course, the more you put into a CD the higher your rate will be, but even these smaller amounts will generally earn you 2 to 3 times the interest of a savings account, and definitely 4 to 5 times the interest of most checking accounts (usually a checking account offers no interest unless many qualifications are met).
2. I have to give up my money for a really long time. Again, this is true and false. The longer you put your money into a CD the higher your rate of return will be, but often you can open a CD for less than a year and often for as short a term as 6 months. So do you see how this is becoming a little more feasible? So for only $500-$1000 and for only 6 months you could be doubling, tripling, quadrupling or more the interest that your money is earning back for you. And most of us have close to 6 months of foresight.
3. If I have an emergency and need the money I’m going to get penalized. This will depend upon your institution. There will always be a penalty, but it most often will not be as bad as you fear. In most cases you will never lose any of the money you invested. Most institutions charge a penalty against the interest earned. As an example on a 24 month CD, if closed early, you may lose 6 months of interest. On a shorter CD you may lose 3 months. In any case, you have kept everything invested, and if you had a CD for 12 months, closed it at 11, lost 3 months of interest, then you are still ahead of where you would have been with your regular savings account. You earned 8 months of interest that was 2 to 3 times your savings account, or 1.5 to 2 years worth of what your savings account would have earned! See how easy it is?
4. It will be a big hassle for us to close it early. It only take a couple seconds for the CD to be closed out whether at maturity or earlier. The process is really the same, needing only the check of a box on the computer to go forward with or without a penalty.
5. I don’t have time to open a CD. Everyone has the time. Many places will allow you to do it over the phone because your money stays within your account (if you are opening a CD at your current institution). If you are going to a new bank or Credit Union, then yes, plan on a little while to set yourself up, but opening a CD with your current financial institution is a couple minute process.
--This isn’t a concern of anyone’s, but check with your financial institution. Ask them what your average balance has been for the past few months. I guarantee it will be higher than you think and hopefully it may provide courage enough to those who need it to finally get a little bit more out of your money. This question can usually be answered as simply as calling on the phone.
So that’s the advice for the day. Nothing too fancy, just a little bit of knowledge we’ve picked up. If you have any comments or questions feel free to let us know, and please--you owe it to yourself--start getting more from your money.

Here's What Not to Do in the Kitchen

-- I preface this entry by saying that I am a man, and as such I make no claims to speak for women. The advice contained herein and the assumptions it makes about ones kitchen etiquette and understanding applies solely to myself and those of the male specimen. --

I find myself teetering on the edge of one who loves to cook good food. I am dangerously close to falling right out of that classification and finding myself floundering in the murky ocean of natural disasters. Following is a list of what you should at all costs avoid to do in the kitchen. They are natural disasters, because naturally they'd be the disaster that followed their action. Following each bit of counsel is a real life story illustrating why certain things should be avoided (the stories are included for the unbelieving who won't take someone at the word)(oh yeah, and the names of those involved have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty).

1. Never ever ever operate the blender with the lid off while trying to force the ingredients down into the blade with a wooden spoon.

Now while this may sound pretty easily comprehended, I add that you most likely shouldn't use any sort of tool to force the blender ingredients into a rapidly rotating steel blade. I knew of a chap named P. Money who found himself trying to make pear puree for use in a food dehydrator--a fruit leather project. When the pear chunks insisted on floating above the blades, P. Money decided he was going to need to step in and convince those floaters otherwise. Now, as a gangster, P. Money was used to the adage that a 'big stick' is always best. Unfortunately as a married man he had abandoned his billy club and the only remaining wooden object in the home was one of his wife's best wooden spoons. Of course that would do. 'Ideal' he thought. So there it went, down went the pears, down went the spoon, and then up went the pears and up went the spoon--both in equally small pieces. The entire pear mix had to be abandoned due to wooden splinters throughout and P. Money had to admit the sorry events to his wife and note a lesson duly learned.

2. Cold water and hot glass should never find themselves together.

We knew another gentlemen who went by the name of Trick Mitchell (we know a lot of thugs). He got a little hasty after making a loaf of bread. The story still makes me cry that he had shown such patience in making the bread and then lost his patience in the home stretch. He pulled the glass bread pan out of the oven and flipped it to get out the loaf . . . nothing. The bread seemed insistent on staying inside the pan. Then Mr. Trick seemed to remember something about cold water shrinking warm objects -- so he tried it. As with P. Money, Mr. Trick lost the entire loaf to glass shards. His wife's beautiful glass pan exploded as soon as the water hit it and Mr. Trick had quite the mess to pick up--including his pride--from off the floor.

3. Never preheat a pan with nothing in it . . . and definately don't forget about the pan after doing so.

Another of our friends named, um . . . uh . . . what was his name again Lindsay? Patrick? I didn't remember that, that's the same name as me. Huh. Well, so we had nother friend named Patrick who thought that when a skillet recipe asked him to preheat the skillet it meant to do so empty. Then he forgot about the pan. When he finally remembered he flew to the oven and yanked the skillet right off . . . and the burner came along with it. The discovered damage was that the pan had gotten so hot the bottom began to melt and the burner started to come up into the pan. Inside, the previously teflon coated sides were now stainless steel and though he remembered preheating it empty, there was a dark powder all over the inside. Finally, the red outside of the skillet was now black and the formerly stainless steel lid was now a yellowish-gold color. It a was a crazy sight and I felt bad for him, but he learned his lesson.

4. Even if you do put something in a pan, don't forget about it!

The same sort of thing happened to our friend P. Diddy when he boiled water but forgot about it. The pan isn't with the family anymore. Enough said.

5. Even if a recipe calls for no flour . . . put flour in it.

I knew an LDS missionary named Elder Mitchell who found a quick and easy brownie recipe. It called for butter, sugar, some baking powder, cocoa, eggs, oil, and time. The result was a thin, black, brick like object that never did come out of the pan afterwards. Later another missionary told him about the flour thing.

Well, that's all my wisdom for today. I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time and have felt sorry for each of these guys. Maybe I'll give some more advice later, but let this all sink in first. Happy cooking! Safely of course.

Do Try THIS at Home

This week's 8 day challenge is One on One Time.  

I'm here to encourage you (parents/spouses) to take time to spend alone with each individual in your family.  And to do it more than just once!  Preferably, make it a consistent thing.  This practice is important in any family, whether there are only two of you, if you have really young children, or even if you have many grandchildren. 

It's all about strengthening relationships, providing opportunities for fun and relaxed conversation, and becoming comfortable enough with one another to share our concerns, joys, dreams, and sorrows.  Every parent should be afforded the time (or more likely, make the time) to spend one on one with each child.  This is a time to have fun with them, to learn more about them, to encourage them, to laugh and feel close to each other.  Just as important, is taking time to spend alone with your spouse.  One on one time is a good way to nourish and strengthen the relationships within your family, consequently strengthening your family as a whole.

So for this week: 

•  Plan Activities.  Think about each member of your family.  Consider what they like to do.  Find something that shows them that you recognize their interests and want to participate in things they enjoy.  Think of things that encourage communication (even if you sit through a movie, go get ice cream or something afterward).  It doesn't have to be big and fancy.  It doesn't have to cost money.  It doesn't really have to be away from home.  It doesn't have to take a ton of time either (though the quantity is important -some is always better than none).  Maybe your infant likes to gnaw on carrots and watch you do the hand motions for Itsy Bitsy Spider.  The requirements are:  1.  Enjoyable Activity.    2.  Conducive to Communication.  3.  Alone.

• Set a Date.  After you have an idea of something you could do with each individual, look at your family calendar.  Decide when you will spend one on one time with the members of your family.  Maybe your family is so large that you'll have to spread your plans out over the next two or three months.  Or maybe your family is just the two of you and this is something you could do weekly.  Whatever the case, make the dates and record them and announce them and prepare for them.  This should be a special thing.  It should be fun.  It should be something to eagerly anticipate.  
• Follow Through.  Do what you have advertised and planned for.  Make it happen and make it fun.  Remember that this should be a time for enjoying each other's company. 
• Evaluate.  After you complete each "date", personally assess it and use your assessment as you plan for the next one.  Note that improving upon the last doesn't mean making more elaborate plans.

I hope you try this and find that it really is beneficial.  A wise man once said, "Parents should work to create loving, eternal connections with their children".  One on one time is a good way to create and strengthen these connections and also the connections between husband and wife.  Go on, give it a try! 

How could you do that to your own Family?

That was the question my coworker presented to me after a disturbing encounter with some credit union members. It seems an older gentleman had, in foresight of his advancing age, granted his two children Power of Attorney over him.

–for those of you who don’t know, Power of Attorney is legal authority to act in the name of someone else, a power granted you by that person—
Well, this fellow was in with his daughter trying to figure out where all of his money had gone to. There were only three people with access to the account: the gentleman, his daughter, and his son. Digging and research provided evidence that all of the money had been withdrawn by his son in abuse of the Power of Attorney he had been granted. The father, well into retirement, was now penniless but for his monthly retirement income.
“How could you do this to your own family?”
I stood there and reflected over the question and the incident. How could you do something like that to your own family? To the very father of your life? And wouldn’t you know, I was led back to a conclusion I’d made and mentioned before on this site: Family is a choice.
There is Webster’s family that is easy enough to come upon, but that isn’t what my coworker was asking. She wasn’t asking “How could you do this in a family like the one Webster describes?” She was asking “How could you do this in a Family like the one I have that means everything in the world to me?” Birth, blood, residence, relation, none of these things make family meaningful. In order for Family to be great, and for Family to mean something to any of us, you need to make that choice. Every member needs to make that choice and be helped in making that choice.
That young man is unjustified in what he did to his father. It was a disgusting act. There is no answer for it. There is however answer to my coworker’s question. “How could you do that to your own family?” It seems obvious that to this young man, there was no Family—only Webster.

Getting More From Your Money: Part 3

For all intents and purposes the Roth IRA works just like a regular savings account, but earns a lot more money!

At my financial institution the Roth IRA consistently earns 2 to 3 to more times the interest of a regular savings account. So that $1000 is earning me $30+ a year rather than the $10 or less of my savings account. To be clear, there is great potential for no risk investment here in the Roth IRA.

The only catch to the great deal of the Roth IRA is that you can't contribute/deposit more than $5000 a year to it, and the interest earned cannot be withdrawn before you are 59 1/2 (at least not without penalty). That's not bad huh? So you can put in your money and take it out at anytime with no problem. You've already paid taxes on all money going in and so that's your money, free and clear. The interest, however, is not yet 'yours'. As with any account, interest earned must be claimed as income and taxes paid accordingly. As an IRA the interest in the Roth is not taxed until it is withdrawn. So if you don't withdraw that earned interest until you're 59 1/2 or older then you pay interest as usual. If, however, you withdraw the interest early then you must claim it as interest for that year and pay a 10% penalty tax on top of that. That's the only penalty. So of that $30+ I earned, if I were to withdraw it early the only penalty I'd pay would be $3 and that still leaves me nearly $20 richer than if I had kept the same $1000 in my regular savings account!!

How great is that!? Ideally, yes, it's for retirement, but the Roth IRA does offer a venue for your money that will allow it to grow quicker with very few (and very unintimidating) catches. Now, a few notes.

1. Some institutions only allow term IRA deposits and often have a sizeable minimum balance. This is not a requirement of an IRA, but rather a requirement of certain institutions. All you need to do is find an institution that offers regular Roth IRA savings accounts with no minimum balance. That's what we offer where I work.

2. There is generally a minimum starting fee. Where I work it is a one time $10 fee. So I pay $10 to start it, earn $30+ and am still ahead of where a regular savings puts me. Far ahead.

3. Find out about service charges. Again, extra charges are not native to IRAs, so if the particular institution wants to impose extra charges, just find another institution.



That's it. It's easy to set up. It will earn you a lot of extra money. So why aren't you already out the door to get one for yourself?

Precaution

This is a funny little poem about communication. It kind of goes with Patrick's challenge this past Sunday. It's author was anonymous. I came across a copy of it in a book I read a few months ago. I think we sometimes think of communication as something that just happens, but it really is something that we can control and use to the benefit or destruction of our families and marriage. So here it is:

Precaution

They say a wife and husband, bit by bit

Can rear between their lives a mighty wall

So thick they cannot speak with ease through it,

Nor can they see across, it stands so tall.

Its nearness frightens them, but each alone

Is powerless to tear its bulk away;

And each, heartbroken, wishes he had known

For such a wall the magic word to say.

So let us build with master art, my dear

A bridge of faith between your life and mine--

A bridge of tenderness and very near--

A bridge of understanding, strong and fine;

Till we have built so many lovely ties,

There never will be room for walls to rise.

The Diagnosis is Negative . . .

There is a dire need to remove (surgically if need be) the amount of negative feelings, words, and actions, from the Family.

Argument is not communication.

Argument is argument. It is discord. It is biting. It is the opposite of communication.

Debate is the communicative form of the argument. Debate occurs without biting, without any negativism, without discord.

Yet, somehow, argument seems to be more common in many homes than debate--more common even than communication itself. For some reason (blame a lot of TV and movies for it) Families have come to view argument as something that is unavoidable. Families aren't trying to avoid arguments, they're just trying to prepare for them and survive them. Much better were the days of Dick Van Dyke than our days of King of the Hill and Home Improvement.

When argument is the common/expected lot, then real growth as a family is not possible.

"Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. "(source)

"Good communication between parents and teens is the very best way to keep teens safe."(source)

"Effective communication is a major characteristic of strong families, and is one of the factors that helps them get through hard times."(source)

I don't know how the treatment of spouse, child, or parent, has gotten to this point of anticipated discord and argument, but I wish for us all to make the necessary 180 degree turn (when and where necessary) and help our Families succeed. Any negative words are wasted words. Criticism is not solution. But where does one begin? The best place to begin any change is with ourselves--to quote from Nelson Mandella, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world (or I'd add 'in your family)."

Take this coming week to begin your personal 180 degree turn. Each night before going to bed you need to make a list. It may help to put a 3x5 card (or notebook) and pen on your pillow. Take some time and list every instance from the day when you were negative. Whether these were negative thoughts, words, or actions. List them all down. Look over the list.

--Above all avoid making judgement on the events. Don't try to determine whether you were justified or not, or whether it was the fault of someone else. Negativism is always the innappropriate response and we are always at fault for the way we act or react.--

Now, after spending whatever you deem adequate time with your list, tear it up and discard it. No one else needs to read it, and you don't need to reread it. The exercise is mainly to help draw your attention to the negative energies of the day, because you can't fix a leak you can't find.

The following morning you are going to use a new 3x5 card or notebook and list eight positive things about everyone living in your home. Once you've finished the list look it over and discard. Repeat this exercise everyday this week. See how it helps you to begin each day by positively evaluating everyone else and ending each day evaluating your own weaknesses.

You can't have any greater success than the success of family, but you can't succeed as a family unless you communicate, and you can't communicate if argument is common place (when argument is common place then coming together to set family goals is just combining yeast and vinegar--the explosion is guaranteed).

Friday's Family

When Patrick and I were kind of dating (as in we saw each other almost every day but didn't quite call it dating), we attended a church conference together where the subject of most of the talks ended up being marriage. It was awkward, to say the least, especially because we weren't really calling our relationship dating at that point. For most of it, I just sat there, stiffly twidling my thumbs, waiting for the end to come, but somehow, though I mostly wasn't listening, I came home having gleaned one new and valuable piece of knowledge which I will share now:

A new family starts at marriage.

The speaker (Elder John H. Groberg, if you must know) explained that it is a pretty common thing for newly weds to be asked by the likes of some unfortunately awkward great aunt or next door neighbor, "So when are you two going to start your family?" Meaning, "When are you going to start multiplying like rabbits?"

Other than being just plain inappropriate and slightly rude to ask anyone this question, it is also implying that a family is only a family when there are children in it.

The correct answer to that question would be, "We just did!"

Elder Groberg helped me realize (or maybe think about for the first time) that marriage creates a family, not children. I could say a lot more about this and tell you more of what he said in that meeting and maybe I will some other day, but I'm bringing it up right now as an introduction to another family that is very special to me.

The Murrays- Jordan and Diana

They have been married for almost two years, have moved more times than I hope to ever have to, are successful at pursuing goals and working really really hard, and have two wonderful little cats. They are great people, lots of fun to hang out with, and for being so young, they have a wealth of experience and knowledge. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my only brother Jord & his lovely wife Diana.

My Questions:Their Answers

One Word to describe your family/marriage: FUN

3 things you like to do together: watch movies, play pool, play boardgames

The most enjoyable place you have lived: Gilbert, AZ in our new home

favorite place to eat out together: Olive Garden

the best thing about Arizona?: the weather

The worst thing about Arizona?: it it not very green, it lacks trees and grass and the smell of sulfur and cow manure a few miles down the road that could ruin any appetite, probably peel the paint off your car and make you want to hold your breath until the next town over, is not very pleasant!

How have you coped with moving so much?: The only thing we really have to cope with is packing up our stuff and lugging it cross country but it's fun to have change, see different cities and experience new cultures. So it's not that bad.

How many times have you moved exactly?: 8 times since April 07

ny-mn

mn-wi

wi-ny

ny-az

az-mi

mi-wi

wi-ny

ny-az

Favorite vacation: Our cruise to Mexico has pretty much been our only vacation. It was such a nice break after our first summer with security sales, and a great reward for the hard work Jordan and I both did that long, stressful summer!

Plans for the future: We both can't wait to be parents, so that is number one on our list. As for career wise, Jordan is still with security, managing and working hard, as for me, well I plan to finish school soon and put that degree to use! We both want to be financially free... and know that we can provide for our children, our family, and not have to worry about not having enough time or money.

What is a trial your family has experienced and how did you get through it?: The stress of not having a place to call home (until recently). It’s stressful to constantly be packing and unpacking and never actually getting settled in. We have a lot of friends but they all live in different parts of the country, which makes it hard to keep in touch. Now we are in our new home, and we don’t have to worry about where we have to go next.

What is the quality you like best about your family? We are always forgiving. We know that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect, we try to be understanding and forgiving as best as we can and I love that about us.

What color(s) do you (plan to) decorate your kitchen? Reds

Do you and Jordan have a favorite song? Stolen, by Dashboard Confessionals

Family life would be simpler if.....The rest of our family did not live on the other side of the country! ::wink wink::

Food for Thought

Allow me to provide you some food for thought.
The Family was intended to exist as a close knit unit. Why else bind yourselves together if the intent was not to be a tight group? to be a place of warmth, security, love and comfort? Marriage would be all the more ridiculous if our destiny were to remain as individuals, isolated and solitary.
If you look back just 150 years ago, the majority of families were, of necessity, close knit groups. Everyone worked together on the family farm to accomplish the requirements of life. Sometimes it became necessary for members to hire out to earn money, but such an arrangement was never ideal and always terminated as quickly as feasible. All intent was for family to be together. Lands were given as inheritance so that children would have no need of moving away. Several generations made up a single town, or parcel of land. The Family did all it could to be close (isn’t it interesting that in those early days of America, the more people you had in your home the warmer it would be in the winter?).
Now examine the world today, even your own family. Rather than drawing nearer to one another, the family has grown disparate. Rather than working together the father looks for jobs outside the home. We are now in an era where even the mother is looking for work outside the home and in a place separate from the father. Children attend school, then sports or other extracurricular activities. The Family is who we spend the least amount of time with, and as time goes by each member spends less and less time together.
So in your daily endeavors and activities, wherein is the Family?

Getting More From Your Money: Part 2

An Educational Savings Account. These fall under the same jurisdiction as IRAs, but the difference is already obvious. Now don't confuse the ESA with the 529 Plan offered by most states. The 529 has its own benefits but ca only be used for higher education (college and higher) and is just much more complicated than the ESA.

If you intend at all to save money for your children let me herein beg of you to do them a favor and save this way. I see far too many people come in and open up regular savings accounts for their children (or worse yet they use a piggy bank at home--poor idea). Using an ESA rather than a regular savings account (or piggy bank) has a number of advantages.

#1. Contributions made to an ESA can be tax deductible. Neither the piggy nor the savings can offer this. They grow tax deffered and, if used on educational purposes, you never pay taxes on the money in an ESA.

#2. The money in the ESA grows risk free and is federally insured.

#3. The money in an ESA earns (typically) 2 to 3 times what a normal savings account will earn, and often earns more than that!

#4. There are no minimum balances or terms. If your current financial institution imposes terms (meaning you can't take the money back out before a certain date) or minimum balances, this is entirely your institution and not a function of the ESA. Go look at other institutions in your area that offer regular no minimum no term ESAs. The only requirement that comes with the ESA is a $2000-a-year cap on the contributions to it and the funds must be used for educational purposes.

#5. Anyone can contribute! This means birthday money from relatives, anything can go in.

#6. Finally, an educational expense is as simple as it sounds. Anything you can construe as an educational expense allows you to use that money tax free! Use it for school lunches. Use it for tuition. Use the money for school clothes or a new computer for the home that the child will be using for school. Use it for field trips. And the list goes on.

#7. Rather than just being used for higher education, the ESA can be used beginning at kindergarten and continuing through schooling up through the age of 30.

So, I hope you all paid close attention because anyone saving for their children in any other way is doing them a disservice. You'll get 2 to 3 to 4 to even more times the money in an ESA than in a savings account. It will even earn more than a lot of CDs and you'll have no terms to wait for and you'll never pay taxes on a cent of the money if used for educational purposes! It really is as easy and as awesome as it sounds. It's strange to me that it has remained so unknown. So next time you think of turning to the savings account or the piggy bank, think again. There is a lot you can do for your children, and there is a lot you can do for them that's a lot better than what a lot of the world is doing. That's a lot of lots.